Beyond Winning
The secret to getting along with other people is to either ignore them or to intimidate them into doing what you want.That's not exactly biblical advice, but it's what most of us do most of the time. Figuring that polite aphorisms such as "Turn the other cheek" and "Be kind to one another" are impractical, we use conflict as a way of managing our relationships with other people.
Whether it's a husband and wife deciding how to spend their last $20 or opposing parties deciding national healthcare policy, we seem to feel that there must be a winner and a loser in every situation.
This week I'll be speaking on relational stress based on Paul's advice in Eph. 5:21. This is one of those situations where the truth sounds too simple to be true. Here's my paraphrase:
The secret to getting along with other people is to treat them with the same respect you give to Jesus Christ.
Applying that in real life is, of course, more challenging than it sounds. We see that as Paul continued his teaching by giving practical examples in three relational contexts (marriage, parenting, and slavery).
I hope to do something similar in this message, and I'm beginning by reflecting on these questions.
How do you love and respect a spouse who doesn't return those feelings?
What's the difference between respecting others and being taken advantage of by them?
How would this principle apply to people who chronically abuse your trust--such as a child who lies to you or a coworker who is lazy?
Can you give some examples of how showing respect or submission have helped you deal with a difficult relationship?
What limits should we reasonably place on this idea? For example, do you owe respect to people who are doing wrong? Who have abused you? Who are trying to kill you?
Are there some people that you simply can't be reconciled with?
Living in harmony with other human beings is perhaps the most challenging thing you can do, yet I believe it is possible when we offer others the same respect that we give to Jesus Christ.
What do you think, team? Can you offer some practical insight on these questions?
2 Comments:
Regarding respecting others and being taken advantage of them:
You can't just blindly let people steamroll over you, but you can respond with a grace that only comes through the Holy Spirit.
Case in point: Our drummer quit right after rehearsal on Sunday morning, but decided to stay and play. As soon as we started the service he glared at me (the sound man), twirled his sticks and played as loud as he could.
I had two choices -- I could do what my body was telling me to do, (which was to respond in a similarly juvenile way to him) or take a deep breath, listen and waste some grace on the guy.
It didn't end very cordially after the service -- it pretty much stunk how it played out. But *I* know that I had respected him and his talent for 2 years and my response to him was not about me but about corporate worship and our role in it.
Our YP preached an excellent sermon on this 2 Sundays ago.
It was in the back of my mind the whole time.
"The test of good manners is to be able to put up pleasantly with bad ones." - Wendell Wilkie
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